Dave Barry's Blog
Monday, May 24, 2004
King of the house
Guinevere and I decided it was time to make another attempt at getting her cat, and my dog to get along. We thought this would be a better time to have them introduced then just after we get married. The last time they met the house was hit by an indiscriminant tornado, lives were lost and casualties were high. A TV was almost lost as well.
So we tried to be a little more studious in the attempt this time, and we took the cat to my house, and then let the 70 Lb dog in. There was some hissing and some growling sound that I never would have guessed was coming from the cat, but other than verbal interactions from the cat, the meeting went decently to start with.
After a couple of hours the cat started to warm up to the house and started exploring the immediate room, then stopped under the coffee table. The dog came in on one of his regular premises patrols and found the cat on the floor. This more than bothered him since the cat was once again making all kinds of noises although not running. The dog then spent the rest of the night trying to hide from the cat, by climbing on every house guest he could find, and then peering over them at the cat.
The confidence I have in my dog to protect the house on a scale of 1 to 10 has gone in to the negatives. A 70 lb dog has become the submissive animal to a 7 lb cat with no claws.
Way to protect your master there buddy!
posted by Jason 3:13 PM |
Thursday, May 20, 2004
What did I just do?
I just sent a link to my fiancé that points to this page. I wasn’t sure if I was going to tell her about this or not, and now that I have told her, I am somewhat worried about what she might learn about me.
I made a post to an Onion article a while aback about your mom finding out about your blog, and at the time I wasn’t concerned about that, well I am still not concerned about it, but I hope she enjoys it, and we will see what she has to say about what she reads. Especially since she didn’t know what a weblog was last night when I told her about it.
Since I made this post before she clicked my link, I would like to say Welcom to my fiancé, and I hope you enjoy reading the random things that cross my mind. Henceforth in this blog, you will be refered by name as Guinevere.
posted by Jason 11:45 AM |
Wednesday, May 19, 2004
I turned a year older yesterday.
Well actually I guess it was 2 days ago, see that is the first thing to go when you get older. . . . . Wait what was I talking about.....
Anyway, it was a good birthday, I got some camping stuff and a back scratcher, and declined on a loan, and a rabies shot and tested for worms, no wait the last two were actually my dog.
So I took the day off for my birthday and spent the entire day running errands, which made it not so great, but my lovely fiancé took me to dinner for a nice big steak, which pretty much made up for the earlier part of the day.
So in conclusion stay in school.
Wait that wasn’t my point.....
posted by Jason 4:52 PM |
Friday, May 14, 2004
This phenomenon has been a major inconvenience for me for the last few weeks. Some days I am highly productive in the morning, and then after lunch not so much, and then others I can’t get anything done all day. Take today for instance, I was highly productive when I got in, and was working well. Got lots of things done. Then while I was away at lunch, some motivation stealing elves or something-or-other snuck into my office and stole all of my motivation, so now I can’t seem to get anything done.
Someone needs to let me know where this goes, but my guess is it is the same place single socks go in the dryer, so I will never know. My currently working theory is that it goes to some parallel dimension where there is an entire race that converts stolen motivation into yawns and then passes them back to our dimension through some highly sophisticated random picking process.
posted by Jason 2:40 PM |
Thursday, May 13, 2004
Where did Grade School Go?
So I had a problem and I needed all of the computer users in the company to run through 3 simple steps in order to fix the problem. Now I could have run around to each computer individually, or send out the instructions for each person to follow themselves. I erroneously chose the later process.
Flashback with me now to about 4th or 5th grade when you went through the “Following Instructions” portion of Grade School. I am pretty sure all grade schools have this exact exercise that they teach their students. The creator of this exercise is now a millionaire no doubt, but he is probably rolling over in his grave at where this teaching has gone. The exercise is the one where there are 20 different instructions on the page a truncated version follows:
1. Please read all instructions and then go back and follow them step by step.
2. Write your name at the top of this page.
3. Poke three holes in the paper
4. Tear off the top-left corner of the page.
5. Light the paper on fire while hollering at the top of your lungs
20. Follow only instructions 1 and 2 on this page, and ignore all the rest.
And you only pass the exercise if you only complete the first 2 instructions. I am sure that you have done this same thing at some point in your life. Well I think everyone needs to go back through that exercise at least 1 to 2 times a year.
So anyway back to my problem, I tested different ways of writing these instructions, and sent them to 5 different people Of the 5, 1 person read the first instruction, and made it no further, due to the first instruction telling them to close the program that was displaying the instructions. So I changed my instructions, and tactics, and 3 different people followed the very last instruction before even reading the instructions. The 5th person read the first instruction and followed it but when a question popped up they didn’t know what to do, even though the third step was "Answer all questions asked by clicking ‘Yes’".
So out of 5 different people 0 of them followed 3 easy steps correctly. So I say back to grade school with all of you!
posted by Jason 4:28 PM |
Thursday, May 06, 2004
I probably could have answered that better
So my boss is in a meeting all day, and the projector is having a problem, so he fiddled with it for a while, and couldn’t get it to go away. After messing with it for quite a while he gave up and came to me for help. I fixed the problem in less than a minute, in fact I had it fixed before he got back into the meeting. I let him know it was fixed as I was exiting the room and he was coming in, and he asked how I fixed it and here was my reply:
“I like to think it’s just because I am the man!” And walked back to my office.
Now after thinking about this conversation more, I think there might be some smidgen of a possibility that I could have answered that better.
posted by Jason 10:48 AM |