Dave Barry's Blog
Wednesday, December 10, 2003
Please Spam me Some More
I am not sure what CNN’s current infatuation with really wanting to send people e-mails is all about. But you would think that with all those articles they post all of the time relating to people hating SPAM and other negative articles about junk e-mail, that they would have gotten the general idea that people don’t want CRAP filling their e-mail box, any more than they want Telemarketers calling them at Dinner time.
posted by Jason 4:20 PM |
Monday, December 08, 2003
You Have Stolen my Manhood!
. . . . And the only way for me to get it back and retain it, is to prevent you from passing me!”
So I went up to Portland this last weekend to visit my little sis. I had a good trip, although as usual Portland was nice and wet the entire time. But it was good to hang out with my sister on her turf, and with her friends.
So, on my way back down here yesterday (It was pouring down rain the entire trip.) I was driving along and had to make a little boy's room pit stop. So I pulled of at a rest stop, and did my business. When I got back into the car and started to get back on the freeway I ended up following another guy who also had the same call of nature. This guy didn’t accelerate at the required rate for someone in front of me in my opinion, so I pulled around him a little before the merging of the lanes was complete.
Well apparently being passed before you are up to speed is a direct attack on your value as a man, so this required immediate action by the driver to re-secure his place among real men. To do so, after properly up to speed, the guy came flying by me at a good 15 Mph more than I. Personally I really don’t understand the problem some men have about being passed, but it just doesn’t bother me.
“Hey if you want to drive faster than I do, and risk the mega-ticket, be my guest.”
But I could tell there was something odd about the way he drove. The next time I came across him I figured out what was amiss. This guy really didn’t feel comfortable driving at that speed in the rain. In fact he didn’t seem to be comfortable driving the speed limit either. But his manhood was at stake, so comfort was apparently disposable for short spurts. I would eventually catch up with the guy again, and he would see me, and floor the accelerator again to ensure I couldn’t pass him, but as soon as he was next to another car, or safely out of my range he would slow back down to an apparent comfortable speed. This played out over almost an hour, of him driving along and me catching up to him, and almost ready to pass, and then he would take off again into the distance. I saw other vehicles pass him on my approach many times, and he seemed OK with that, just not me.
Eventually he got stuck behind a semi-truck due to bad planning going up a mountain and I snuck by him, to which he tried for another mile or so to get back in front of me, and then gave up and returned to his comfort zone, at which point I lost him behind me, to never see him again.
Well this little story got me thinking about why some men seem to think that the way others drive has a direct relation to them in some fashion. I just don’t get it! Why did me passing this guy make him believe he had to pass me back and stay in front of me?
What was he trying to prove, and to whom was he trying to prove it?
The only answer I could come up with is the one in the title of this post.
posted by Jason 3:14 PM |
Wednesday, December 03, 2003
Christmas Shopping Day 1
Well I have started the task of picking up presents for all of my family members. Last night I went to the mall and got an amazing number of gifts, and then headed out for some more shopping. Unfortunately this year I don’t have any “Wow” Gifts, or very targeted creative gifts. So I am really just going off of the lists that people gave me.
Although I noticed since I am putting Christmas on the Plastic this year that I have been quicker to settle on a gift. I have walked up and looked over the gift, and decided “Yes I’ll get that for so and so” a whole lot faster than in previous years. I hope this doesn’t mean that the quality of the gifts has gone down at all.
posted by Jason 3:52 PM |
Tuesday, December 02, 2003
Old People Walk like they Drive
While standing in line at the bank today (which was way too busy for being a Tuesday), I was stuck behind an old guy who looked to be about 70 or so. When the line in front of him moved, he just stood there and looked around, it wasn’t until he could go up to a teller that he actually moved. So, the whole line started about 20 feet from where the line should have been.
While I stood there many thoughts went through my mind of telling the guy to “move up”, “get out of the way”, or My personal favorite “If you cant obey standard Line Standing Etiquette you should not be standing in Line!”
But fortunately (or unfortunately depending on your stance) I did not tell the guy anything. I just stood there steaming at him quietly.
posted by Jason 1:54 PM |
Monday, December 01, 2003
I knew there was a reason I didn't like going to Wal*Mart
Good reason #1
Good reason #2
Good reason #3
posted by Jason 6:39 PM |
After 5 Days of Beating my Head into a Brick Wall
Well a few months ago I had a project I was working on, and ran into a stumbling block. I gave up and found a dirty way around the problem at the time, and figured I would get back to it eventually. That was after 4 days of continuous work on the problem with no headway.
Well today was the day I got back on the case, and decided to see what other people in my field might do to resolve the issue, so I posted the question to multiple Programming forums, only to get back the response of
“Sometimes you CAN make a report too complicated.”
What!? That’s total crap, nothing is too complicated. I am pretty sure I can make my monitor dance on its side all by itself given enough time, and proper motivation. I want an answer not a cop-out! Anyway I continued to bang my head into this wall all day, and it finally paid off. I made it through to the other side!
Unfortunately I am very ticked off at the means to the solution. It turns out that Microsoft didn’t program something’s to figure out math on less than 8 point fonts. So the program was calculating total pages needed incorrectly and truncating my information, all cause they didn’t think that someone might use a 6 point font! I wasted 5 whole days because of Microsoft. And what is terrible is that this bug is apparent in Access 97, 2000, 2002(XP) and in the latest version 2003.
posted by Jason 6:04 PM |