Dave Barry's Blog
Wednesday, November 26, 2003
On a Happier Note
Everyone have a Happy Thanksgiving. I may make some updates this weekend but only if something really good pops up.
posted by Jason 4:01 PM |
CNN.com - 'Master' and 'slave' computer labels unacceptable, officials say - Nov. 26, 2003
How can this be offensive???? It is the definition of the words! How can some people be so idiotic? Either these people are complete bafoons, or they just want to make a name for themselves as PC. This sort of thing pisses me off!
posted by Jason 10:25 AM |
Monday, November 24, 2003
Law #65 - Law of Motion vs. Value:
“The Velocity of your vehicle in MPH should never exceed the value of that vehicle in dollars.”
I and a friend wrote this law last year after a road trip to go Skydiving. The reason we came up with this law was on our way to the airport we were just driving along the freeway at a good 75 Mph, when all of a sudden a little white car came flying by at, oh lets say, Mach 7. In the brief millisecond I had to look the vehicle over, and I kid you not, we saw the following sign:
“For Sale - $50 or best offer”
Now if I only valued my car at $50, I am pretty sure the vehicle wouldn’t even start, let alone go above 75. But that is just me. But this person seemed to feel quite comfortable zipping along at mach 7, in a car barely worth the fee to tow it out of the ditch. This seemed a little odd to us, so we started talking about Law #65, and decided it could even be applied to almost any mode of transportation yet known to man.
If you don’t value your bicycle for more than $5 would you feel safe riding it full boar down the side of a mountain, with sharpened spikes and broken glass at the bottom? OK even without the broken glass and spikes, it wouldn’t be advisable.
If your parachute you are strapping to your back isn’t worth $50 should you be jumping out of a plane with it on? Well for that one I have no idea how to value a parachute, so I just trusted the company that provided it, and was helping me out of the plane.
In the end, I highly recommend Skydiving for anyone, do it at least once even just to say you have. Although I would ask what the value of the parachute is before getting in the plane.
posted by Jason 2:47 PM |
SHREK 2 -- MAY 21, 2004
posted by Jason 11:16 AM |
Well I spent my vacation day on Friday raking leaves. And boy, let me tell you, I had a blast. I spent 4 hours raking, and shoveling and in the end filled 15 large bags full of leaves. I was going to go up on my roof and clean out the gutters as well, but after 4 hours I was in no mood to do anything but veg in front on my TVB for pretty much the rest of the day.
Although now that all the leaves are up off the yard, it has allowed my dog to get access to the dirt underneath them. So the last few times he has come in from outside, he has left really nice brown paw prints all over the carpet.
posted by Jason 11:15 AM |
Thursday, November 20, 2003
Hey I just enabled commenting on my Blog!
Thank you to the beautiful young ladies over at Madpony for a great example of commenting done well, and the link to HaloScan the company now doing my comments.
posted by Jason 2:01 PM |
Forced to Take Vacation
Well I am being forced into taking vacation. My company has a policy that you can’t have over X number of hours at the end of the year, or you loose them, so I am being forced to cram a week and a half’s vacation sometime between now and the end of the year.
Now normally you would think “Well why didn’t you just take your vacation during the year? Then you wouldn’t have so much racked up now.” Well true, but my job doesn’t exactly have a slow part of the year where I can take those vacations, and my boss has a tendency to tell me no when I want to actually go somewhere. And also I am not a good traveler by myself, and as of yet, I have not found someone that wants to travel with me. So taking a week of vacation and sitting around my house all week is actually rather boring, so I try not to do that.
So Anyway I got off topic, so In order to cram in all of the vacation without giving enough time to my boss to break something while I am gone, I have opted for spreading out the vacation. So Tomorrow I have the day off, and the following 2 Fridays, then I work a Friday, then not, then the 26th through 31st I have off. If Only I had planned something for that time off.
posted by Jason 1:35 PM |
Wednesday, November 19, 2003
I have been Restored!
As of today, Google apparently has fixed my search listing, as I now have a Title again. Yeah!
posted by Jason 1:02 PM |
Now here is a site that is completely unbiased in its accurate news reporting. Gotta love a site that fully researches their topic before creating an entire movement to stop something they are afraid of.
posted by Jason 11:22 AM |
The Plastic Christmas
This year Christmas is going to be a little different, and probably not quite so enjoyable. Due to “Mis-Forcasting” my finances back a couple of months ago I am still behind in a few bills so this year I am going to have to put all of my Christmas shopping on the good old plastic card. Of course knowing that I will be paying interest on these purchases will mean I won’t be quite a generous as I have been in previous years. Which really is too bad, I have enjoyed giving out the best gifts for the last couple of years.
posted by Jason 11:14 AM |
Tuesday, November 18, 2003
I Have Been Deleted
Or at least mostly removed.
Over the last few days my number of hits on my site has dropped. So I went investigating, and found that Google has practically removed me from their search engine. I used to show up within the first few pages on certain key words, now I don’t show up till at least the 11th or more page, and all of the detail about my site has been removed, all Google contains anymore about my site is the address, no title, no extra quotes, or anything?
I am not sure what happened here, since other Blogger hosted sites are not having the same problem. I guess Google just doesn’t like me anymore.
posted by Jason 3:26 PM |
Another Missed Opportunity
On my way home last night I was driving along the freeway when I came upon a really slow driver in the left lane, that outright refused to move out of the way, so eventually I was forced to pass the person on the right, and as I went by I looked over to see what type of a person it was, you know, were they some old person that could barely see over the dashboard, that sort of thing. I was astonished to see that it was a very attractive young lady giving me the finger.
At first I felt kinda bad for just having ticked off someone I might have normally considered part of the dating pool.
But then I came to my senses, 1, it is unlikely she would remember me. Of course let’s let you make the decision, how likely is this to happen: (Picture a nice bar.)
Me: “Hey, (Insert cheesy pick-up line of your choice)”
Her: “Don’t I know you from somewhere?”
Me: “From your dreams baby.” (Feel free to substitute any other cheesy pickup line.)
Her: “Oh wait I do know you, you were the Jacka** from a couple of months ago that cut me off!” – Then throws drink in my face, and storms off.
And 2, what are the chances I could actually meet an attractive young lady that considers me to be “In the dating pool”?
posted by Jason 3:04 PM |
Monday, November 17, 2003
Being Trumped by the Payroll Lady
Apparently my boss (Head of Information Systems) has been replaced by . . . the Payroll Lady.
He attempted to call the Phone Company today to get a number removed from our account since we no longer use it, only to find out that he is not authorized to make changes to our phone service. So he asked who is, and it turns out that only the Payroll Lady is allowed to make changes to our phone service, so he had to go get her to re-authorize him as someone capable of making changes.
I am not sure how the phone company came to this conclusion, but non-the-less I found it rather humorous.
posted by Jason 4:26 PM |
How Stupid are We?
If you are going to steal from someone, only do it once.
If you are lucky enough to get away with it the first time, your chances of the second time are significantly reduced. And your chances become close to nill after that.
Why do some people think that no one notices when things go missing? Just because they didn’t tell the world about it the first time does not mean they haven’t noticed, and taken precautions to prevent it from happening in the future.
A company I used to work for in Seattle had some money disappear from a few registers a few weeks in a row, but it was always a different register, so we couldn’t pin it on a cashier. So we (the store manager and I) didn’t say anything about the missing money, we just setup a little security camera, and watched for a couple of days, and low and behold the person tried again and we caught them.
I have many other instances of this same thing, but you get the point.
I have heard that the place in the brain that determines how intelligent you are is the exact same place in your brain that gives you your belief in your own intelligence.
So I guess maybe the same portion of the brain that overrides your sense of right and wrong, is also the part that associates your perception with others’ ability to perceive.
posted by Jason 3:15 PM |
Friday, November 14, 2003
The Onion | Mom Finds Out About Blog
I don't think there would be a problem with that at this point.
Although I guess that means I don't write interesting enought topics.
posted by Jason 11:00 AM |
Who is trying to be me?
I keep getting e-mails from Blogger confirming that I want to change my password. I have received 5 of these over the last week or so. I am glad to know that this person isn’t actually able to force my password to be changed, but I am annoyed that someone is either thinking they are me, or trying to become me, and I don’t particularly want that.
This world can only survive on the fact that there can only ever be 1 of me.
posted by Jason 10:40 AM |
Wednesday, November 12, 2003
“The Resolution of Conflict is the Birth of Stagnation”
This is a quote I coined a few years ago when having a very interesting conversation with a friend of mine. We were discussing why we have never gone back to the moon in so long. I have also kept it in mind on a regular basis for everyday life. It comes up every time somebody at work insists on having a “Meeting” with our resident Communication Expert. I also think about it often when I hear of people whining about war, love, politics, and lots of other topics.
If you think about it why did we make it to the moon? We were at “War” with the USSR and we needed to prove we were superior. Why do we get so excited about sports games?
Conflict, spurs the imagination. It gives us a problem to solve and a sense of urgency in which to solve it. It gives us purpose. It is driven by significant personal motivation. Being on the loosing end of a conflict threatens one of the more driving personal motivations; self-worth, self confidence, or egotism whatever you want to call it. Loosing even the simplest of conflicts threatens your view of those attributes in a personal way, or broad way. So you are very motivated to be on the winning side. (At least in your mind.)
Without conflict there is no striving to be better. Without conflict why be better? Be better than what? Who?
Why did you graduate High School/College? To be better? Why? The simplest answer is “To be better than the next guy.” You may be thinking “I am not driven by such egotistical motivations.” Yes you are. That piece of paper you got makes you slightly better than they guy without it in the competition for a job.
Now I am not saying all conflicts are good or necessary, but I do believe conflict is necessary to progress. So the next time you think that a conflict needs to be resolved, or avoided, think about the positives that the conflict might be creating, and then make an informed decision.
Just because it is an argument doesn’t mean it should be avoided.
posted by Jason 4:12 PM |
Tuesday, November 11, 2003
Wash the Dog
WooHoo I have been looking forward to this day for quite a while now! I get to wash my dog today!
O.K. Sarcasm aside, it isn’t exactly an easy thing to keep a 70lb dog in a bathtub that he doesn’t want to be in. So my time after work is going to be all kinds of fun making a total mess of my front bathroom.
posted by Jason 4:15 PM |
Monday, November 10, 2003
To Fight or not to Fight?
I am faced with a choice that has me perplexed.
Backstory; Last Thursday Night I was pulled over by a State Patrol woman. (? I am not sure of the PC way to refer to her. Patrol person? Maybe.) Anyway, to make a long story short, she ticketed me for “Following Too Close.” Now I will concede to having followed too close to the person she ticketed me for, but I was following that close to encourage the person to move out of the left lane. I live in Oregon, where it is illegal to pass someone on the right, even if they are going below the speed limit, so what was I supposed to have done? I can’t honk at him because that is also against the law, I can’t flash my high beams at him, because I know I would have been pulled over for that as well. But the guy was going 57 in a 65 in the left lane, and there was no-one in the right lane.
So I am torn, 1 by my laziness, do I really want to spend the time in court to ask the judge that question. And 2 by the fact that I know I was following too close. I know that, thus I can’t go argue that I didn’t deserve the ticket. Then again, if I am presented with the same circumstances in the future what should be my decision?
posted by Jason 1:23 PM |
Friday, November 07, 2003
Telemarketing at its Greatest?
Ring . . . Ring . . . (No Caller-ID)
Recording - “ington Mutual, If you would be interested in this service Please give us a call at 1-866-8”. Click
Oh, now there was a really good computer generated Telemarketing call. I am pretty sure the recording started playing as soon as the phone rang, thus unless I was lightning fast on answering the call I would never actually hear the first sentence of that call. Not that I would have bought anything anyway. But now I am masochistically somewhat curious about what they where trying to sell me.
posted by Jason 2:42 PM |
Revolutions – Undecided
Well Last night I went to go see Matrix Revolutions. I am undecided on what I think of it. When I saw Reloaded I didn’t really care for it, until I saw it a second time, then I liked it. Maybe it will be the same with Revolutions.
Granted I did think that there where some very cool special effects in it, and the Dock scene was very cool. But it just . . . . I don’t know, I am very indecisive about it right now.
posted by Jason 1:24 PM |
Thursday, November 06, 2003
Can’t get a darn thing right
Ever had one of those day’s where your brain seems to be stuck in Neutral? Massild a friend of mine seems to be that way today. I sent him an e-mail and asked him a question, he replied back with what seemed like a logical answer, except that his answer was not related to my question, and later when he called me after expecting me to call him, he was very confused. When I explained my e-mail he caught on, but it was tough for a while there. After a few minutes he called back and informed me that pretty much all the other information in his e-mail was also wrong. We have been playing phone tag ever since between me, him, and his wife, trying to get everything worked out again.
All kinds of fun.
posted by Jason 2:48 PM |
Wednesday, November 05, 2003
A computer game I have been waiting for since 1987 finally went Gold today! For those of you that don’t know what going Gold means (No I am not referring to an album that sold 4 billion copies) it means that the Master disc has been written, the single CD that all other copies of the game will be made from. This still means about a 2 week wait for the packaging, and manuals and shipping etc. to be completed. But it is good news in that the game, save an act of God, will not be delayed further.
Now this game hasn’t actually been in development since 1987, but that was about the last time I played the game that all other games of the space-sim genre have strived to come close to, and have all fallen flat on their faces. This game from every preview I have read, actually comes close and possibly even surpasses the original game Elite. So when X2 finally hits shelves in a couple of weeks, I will be buying it at some hugely inflated price just so I can start playing it.
Wow three updates in a single day, that's new.
posted by Jason 3:55 PM |
Marketers Working Overtime
I saw what I thought to be one of the funniest commercials of all time last week. I meant to write about it then, but I forgot about it until just now. I know that it is the job of marketing type people to come up with all sorts of ways to make their product look better to the masses, but I think this idea was cracked a little late one night, after way too many cups of coffee w/ Irish Cream.
I never thought I would live to see the day when KFC (Kentucky Fried Chicken) would be advertised as a Diet Food. That’s right; Original Style Fried chicken was being advertised as a great way to diet! Granted at the bottom of the screen in little text it said and I quote: “Not a Low Sodium, Low Cholesterol, or Low Fat food.”
But Still! KFC Original Chicken Diet food? I know there are about half a billion different diets out there right now, growing at an exponential rate, but I still couldn’t stop laughing at the idea. I can’t wait for the Coffee & Chocolate Diet to come out, because who could get fat off of being continuously hyper? Or even the FDA approved Crack diet, hop yourself up on Crack and you won’t be hungry anymore, thus you will loose weight! (Fine print: Not responsible for jail time, or loss of life.)
posted by Jason 3:07 PM |
Bad Driving Habits have crossed the line!
Now I have heard people complain about people eating while driving, or talking on the cell phone while driving. And I must admit I hate it when others do those things when they are in my way, but I also must admit to doing both myself. But there are just some things you should not do while driving, last year I saw a guy brushing his teeth, and have seen people reading novels while driving down the freeway, but this morning I caught someone doing something I never would have guessed at.
The Lady was trimming her bangs! She was looking in the vanity mirror on her sun visor, and using scissors to cut her hair while she was driving down the road. Not only was this bad for her ability to drive, but I can’t imagine it was good for the look of her hair in the end.
Friend: “Whoa, what happened to your hair?”
Stupid Driver: “I was trimming my bangs when I hit a pot hole, and sliced off half of my hair.”
Friend: “How did you hit a pot hole in your bathroom?”
posted by Jason 1:36 PM |
Monday, November 03, 2003
Well the Halloween party at my house went over pretty well. The party was fun, and had a good turn out. We even where able to do a scavenger hunt, all of my neighbors where very supportive and helpful, which surprised me. I ended up tossing together a costume about 30 mins before people came over and it ended up turning out pretty good as well.
Next year I have to remember to buy candy before Halloween day. For when you buy it on Halloween you get stuck buying very expensive candy, because that’s all that’s left.
posted by Jason 2:58 PM |